Mada'in Saleh - Day 2
9 years ago
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
What to do, what to do
This evening Ainsley came inside crying. She was upset because a couple of neighbor girls were outside riding their bikes up and down the street and told Ainsley that she could not play with them. These girls are her age and are in her class at school. She really wants to be friends with them, but more often than not, they choose to exclude her say mean things to her like her hair isn't pretty or her coloring is bad (two things Ainsley takes pretty seriously). So tonight one of the girls said she hated Ainsley. It really broke her heart to be told that. I don't know what to do about it. Do I go and talk to the girls mothers? I know if Ainsley were treating other kids that way I would want to know. On the other hand, I don't want to try and fix every problem Ainsley has. I know that is the way little girls are, like it or not. I have tried to tell Ainsley to walk away from them when they start to be mean, but she really wants them to like her and doesn't understand what she has done to them to have them treat her so badly. So, I'm asking for advice. Should I let the other mothers know what is happening or should I just redirect Ainsley's attentions to other friends that do treat her well. What are your thoughts?
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7 comments:
Oh poor sweet girl! I feel her pain, I went through this.
She should try to first find other friends in the neighborhood. Try and explain to her that if they are going to act this way that she really doesn't want to be with them anyways, that their behavior will not stop even if they include her, and that she will feel bad every time she plays with them. Also explain that people who are rude, disrespectful are not allowed in your house because it goes against your values/family mission statment/agreement. whatever.
does that make sense?
I do suggest telling their parents. Not with the intention that they include Ainsley, but with the intention that you don't appreciate their childs words and that everyone deserves respect.
This makes me so sad for your cutest little Ainse.
A few ideas...
* Absolutely encourage A to play with other kids. Take the chance to do some empathy training so that she gets why it's important to be nice to others. To combat bullying, empower her to know what to do and say with bullies. Saying, "so," and walking away is in response to ANY rude comment shuts a bully down eventually because you're not arguing.
* If Ainsley wants to be friends with the girls and you steer her away from them, you might accidentally send the message that they are right about her not being good enough for them.
* Maybe invite the brats (oh, sorry) over for some semi-structured play--make cookies or cards, play restaurant or school with you participating a little, etc. Remind them very overtly how well they are getting along and how much fun they're having.
* Consider speaking to the girls yourself. Ask them separately WHY they said the mean things to A. They might deny it and you can just play dumb and say that maybe you misunderstood. You're glad that you checked it out though because you ALMOST called their mothers. You're glad you didn't have to do that...wink wink. I'm sure you'll be nicer now, right?
Two cute books that deal with friendship things:
Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon
Enemy Pie
I would go over to their house and ring the doorbell and when one of the little brats answers the door, I would punch them right in the neck and when they ask why, I would turn to them and say "You know why!!!"
Sounds like Ainsley needs a visit from her friend Kennedy and they can stand up to them together ;)
Remember the Mayan experience?
That totally sucks! I have no advice sorry. I would be tempted to tell the Moms but would that just make the girls act meaner toward Ainsley because she got them in trouble?
Why would anyone be mean to Ainsley? She is so nice and cute.... they must be jealous.
Personally, I like the Stratton family comment!!!
I hate this kind of stuff...It just breaks your heart as a mother.
I'm sorry Ainsey is being treated that way & that you have to deal with this crap already!
Sadly, all us girls know...it will never end.
If they are in her class & treating her this way at school, you could mention it to the teacher & she could talk to the girls. Then you aren't having to deal with the moms. I'm sure the girls wouldn't treat her this way in front of their own mothers, so that is one thing you could try.
Whitney was having a similar problem with one little snot face at school & I just kept on telling her to be nice & try to be her friend...until the punching started!!! That's when I went to the teacher since it was mostly happening at school & on the bus. (the punching that is)....I was very close to saying, "Just punch her back! Hard!!"
The situation has improved. They are not best friends by any means, but the abuse has stopped!
O the job of a Mother! Good luck!
Gosh, this is a tough one. I really hate that this happens and I hate that, like the other mommies said, it will never end. I would try to help Ains understand a couple of things.
1. It's sad but true, there will always be people like this.
2. Just because those types of people are around, doesn't mean they're right. In fact, if someone is mean about something, they are probably wrong.
3. She needs to understand her worth and value. How important she really is.
4. Try to explain to her what a true friend is.
5. Try to teach her the concept of "hard to get". What I mean is: The only reason she wants to hang out iwth these girls is because they don't want to hang out with her. It's not because they are wonderful people.
I don't know if a almost 6 year old will understand all of that.
Do you know the other moms?
I'm with Dave and Shar.
I say have a hot chocolate party and put laxatives in their drinks. So much for bad coloring!
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